there are hemorrhoids that have been following me around for God knows how long now. this pathological condition of dialated veins and swollen anal tissue. these PILES! they're all over the floor, the ceiling, the walls, outside on the pavement and honking in the street---piles of painful hemorrhoids bleeding and stinking. your mothers are hemorrhoids just like the cab driver, the traffic cop and the counter girl at Spudnuts. all of them itching me like crazy. and i scratch them till my asshole runs with blood but they only get meaner and stronger when i do that. still, somehow, somehow so irrationally, i continue to scratch them even though i'm well aware that the hemorrhoids actually need scratching to grow which is no good for me, but still i scratch until my asshole bleeds. fuel for the fire, you stinking hemorrhoids! your priests and dead ancesters and your parakeets and puppy dogs are all hemorrhoids piling in masses on my bleeding itching asshole! if anything, just to know that a remedy exists out there would be of some help. but i can't find one anywhere. no relief in sight. and my worst fear is that these hemorrhoids are here BECAUSE of me, rather than in spite of me.